The scene that broke me.

It has been a long time since I cried so hard that I felt the world was shaking. The helplessness in my core. The trembling of my fingers as I read, blinking again and again and letting the tears fall, afraid that the blurriness might delay the moment. The moment, even after it passed, couldn’t heal the wound. The blood, even though not mine. The pain, even though I would never truly know it, is all I am left with to suffocate alongside the crumbling thought that this isn’t the end.

I was numb. I cried and I cried. It wasn’t fair and it was unjust. Is this justice? One scene — that’s all it took to make this one of my top favorite series of all time.

The “help me” — Xie Lian’s voice echoes in my heart. The voice they chose to ignore. The ones who were supposed to understand him, if not love him, at least have some humanity left in them. But given that they were humans, seeking such empathy could only result in heartbreak. A human’s fear usually blinds them. They followed the path that was easy because they believed it was their right to be served. Why should we suffer? Because they have a heartbeat, it was enough reason to squash another living being without any questions.

And this made me question everything.

Let’s take an example on a much smaller scale. If you kill a human, you might feel bad. But if you kill an ant, would anyone mourn? We have already decided who is worth living and who is not. If a fly’s life lasts only for such a short span of time, how does it matter if it dies? It’s nature. Our limits, our morality — everything is customized to our own comfort.

I know I’m blabbering without giving context here. The fans who already know will understand the pain. Those who don’t — this is a particular scene from the novel Heaven Official’s Blessing.

Xie Lian is a god who has ascended for the third time in the entire history of gods. He is peculiar because he doesn’t grant wealth, love, or anything of substance. Why would you care about such a useless god then? Because he cares. And he will protect you. He will do it with utmost faith and devotion, because his dream is to save the common people.

And then this god meets a Ghost King — one who has defeated thirty-three gods and destroyed their temples, known for his unpredictable behavior and infamous for being a troublemaker. Two beings who seem to have nothing in common… or do they?

The whole series travels through Xie Lian’s and Hua Cheng’s journey — their relationship, humanity, hardship, struggle, trauma, losing faith, courage, grief, happiness, friendship, betrayal, greed, power, and corruption. I can’t think of a single thing this book hasn’t touched or hasn’t done justice to. Every human emotion is at play, working at its fullest, giving you something at the least and yet everything. And although this scene gives you the worst of it all, the human race isn’t dead yet. Rare exceptions are present, and I guess it’s only because of those few odd members that it isn’t all a bloodbath outside.